“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, as you sit in this courtroom on this sad and overcast day, you must certainly see that all of the evidence points to the fact that this defendant,” the prosecutor said, pointing toward the hapless man sitting at the defendant’s table, “has demonstrated a voracious appetite for wassail.”
“Let me point out to you that wassail, if you’re unfamiliar with it, is a beverage of hot mulled cider made from apples. Apples, ladies and gentlemen, not from grapes. Wassail is traditionally drunk as an integral part of wassailing, a medieval Christmastime English drinking ritual intended to ensure a good cider apple harvest the following year,” he added.
“Let me also remind you that we no longer live in medieval times. These are modern, 21st century times. And we don’t live in England. We live in the Napa Valley region, which is the heart of California’s wine county. Our local harvest is grapes, not apples.
“And while it is, indeed, getting close to Christmastime, you must remember that this has been a devastating year for our local wine industry. The pandemic has significantly the curtailed demand for our fine wines because most of the restaurants that serve our wines have been closed since March. And the horrific wildfires of this past summer destroyed so many of our local wineries.”
The prosecutor paused so his words would sink in on the members of the jury. “It with no whimsy, ladies and gentlemen, that I implore you to find this defendant guilty of promoting the consumption of apple cider over the consumption of grape wine. This is an act of egregious disloyalty to our local economy and it’s your job to right this wrong and to rectify this injustice.”
The prosecutor made eye contact with each and every juror. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” he said, “I rest my case. Now do your job.”
Written for these daily prompts: MMA Storytime (overcast), The Daily Spur (evidence,) Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (voracious), Word of the Day Challenge (wassail), Ragtag Daily Prompt (wine), and Your Daily Word Prompt (whimsy).