Fandango’s Provocative Question #98

FPQWelcome once again to Fandango’s Provocative Question. Each week I will pose what I think is a provocative question for your consideration.

By provocative, I don’t mean a question that will cause annoyance or anger. Nor do I mean a question intended to arouse sexual desire or interest.

What I do mean is a question that is likely to get you to think, to be creative, and to provoke a response. Hopefully a positive response.

Last week I asked for some suggestions for potential provocative questions and a few of you came through with some good ones. This one comes from Paula Light over at Light Motifs II.

Her question revolves around interpersonal relationships. She asks…

When it comes to your friends, your spouse, your significant other, or members of your family, is it better to confront them about things they say or do that bother or upset you or is it better to try to ignore those things in order to maintain peace in your relationship?

If you choose to participate, write a post with your response to the question. Once you are done, tag your post with #FPQ and create a pingback to this post if you are on WordPress. Or you can simply include a link to your post in the comments. But remember to check to confirm that your pingback or your link shows up in the comments.

35 thoughts on “Fandango’s Provocative Question #98

  1. Astrid December 2, 2020 / 6:04 am

    Interesting question. I’ll ponder it, but my answer is probably somewhere in the middle.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Marleen December 2, 2020 / 9:39 am

    With my (grown) children, it’s best to be direct and conversational. With my ex significant other [we had a nice wedding], it’s better to ignore. When we were younger (prior to my meeting him), I had learned all the appropriate awarenesses, respect, and interactive ways of addressing life. He was quite a dense person (although he was a graduate of a highly-esteemed university for his undergrad degree and, then, had gotten a masters in a cutting/edge field at another fine university while we were married). He put on a facad of friendliness but basically couldn’t interact interpersonally, and he one day asked that I be more straight to the point (which of course misses the point which is interaction); I chose to cooperate with his stated wish (although it wasn’t my nature to be what I would perceive as bossy in style). We were raising children, and things had to improve some way. But what he was best at was stupid anger over any little thing. (He literally bopped a three-year-old on the head — even when his birth family has a “thing” for speaking of being careful about the head — for accidental “spilt” milk [as the saying goes] as one example. And this was weird; he wasn’t generally violent.) He bristled at the straight-to-the-point mode (which was shown with time to need to come after stretches of patience), as if it had been my idea. Further into this whole process, we went to a week-long reunion out of town, at a resort, for his extended family. One of his uncles noticed that my husband wasn’t very attentive (and left one hundred percent of the child-tending to me even though I was pregnant there). I’m sure others noticed, but this uncle told me I should yell (“more” — which meant at all). I eventually tried this (some months later), as I had for quite a while been putting up with the person I was married to yelling at me over nothing. (I had a strong sense of self, so his yelling didn’t wear on me… but our life for our kids wasn’t improving.) This person I was married to was totally stunned that it would occur to me to yell at him as he had yelled at me, and he liked saying things along the line that the yelling meant I was a bad person. He additionally began to charge at me in a scary way (and stop short). I decided to stop all these measures he and others had requested and go back to heart-to-heart sweeter communication. One of the oddest things ever after this was our going to pick out a new dishwasher. I spoke to the salesperson who came up and greeted us. He somehow found this enraging, in demonstrative fact. Well, I eventually moved out with all of our children.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Marleen December 2, 2020 / 9:56 am

      I somewhat recently told one of my sons that one of his father’s uncles told me I should yell at his dad. I said this in front of the dad, and the dad said it was a good idea. No self awareness.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. cagedunn December 2, 2020 / 11:59 am

    Speak, or you hang yourself with the noose of complicity to your enslavement.
    That’s what silence is — a lack of courage, a lack of self-confidence. There is no balance if one person makes all the compromises.
    Silence is a lie, a blanket over truth, and those who hide beneath it die a little each time their voice fades.

    Do you think I feel strongly about this? Ask any one of my 32 foster kids.

    Liked by 3 people

    • pensitivity101 December 2, 2020 / 1:00 pm

      I know exactly where you’re coming from. Took me a while to speak up, but now I’ve found my voice.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Janis December 3, 2020 / 2:15 am

      You are so right. Although it’s hard… you are still right.

      Liked by 2 people

      • cagedunn December 3, 2020 / 2:20 am

        We can only teach our children through example. They see through the lies of ‘do what I say, not what I do.’

        Liked by 2 people

    • Fandango December 2, 2020 / 4:06 pm

      As I wrote in a comment to Jim Adams, there are times and circumstances where it’s best to push back and times and circumstances where it’s best to grin and bear it.


      • Melanie B Cee December 3, 2020 / 12:57 pm

        I’m just getting to Jim’s response. So many Reader blogs… too little time some days. O_o. Very true sentiments Sir, very true!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Goin' the extra...aaamile December 3, 2020 / 6:39 am

    The question to ask here is, not what the relationship is, BUT, is the person in question worth the confrontation. There are many people (in whichever category) who are just toxic, and getting into anything with them is just like 2 pigs (you and the other person) getting dirty in the same filth.

    Avoidance is sometimes the best, people get the message LOUD and CLEAR. However, that said, family one can’t choose, but friends and a spouse – you can. Choose wisely!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Mister Bump UK December 3, 2020 / 7:57 am

    Oh, and if you’re looking for a question: what do people think are the most pressing issues facing us today?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Marleen December 3, 2020 / 10:21 am

      Upon first read, of your suggestion, Mr.BumpUK, I thought there are SO MANY. I have one answer now, though. I mentioned this to someone else, however, and — as can be anticipated — while there were only two with this other person and no curiosity about any others, the one I was thinking of (which had been part of our conversation up to that point and helped me realize it would be my answer) was not on his list of two at all. I’ll save the answer, of course.

      Liked by 2 people

        • Marleen December 3, 2020 / 7:07 pm

          Nope 😁… I’ve come up with the one. I’ll share what was number one with the other person, too.

          Just in case.

          Man… if I tried to make some kind of comprehensive list or leave some things off, I couldn’t participate.

          Liked by 2 people

    • Mister Bump UK December 9, 2020 / 2:57 am

      Oh, and I read a post the other day which suggested a rather callous (I thought) question: Should homeless people just “get a job”?

      Liked by 1 person

    • Mister Bump UK December 9, 2020 / 5:22 am

      The other thing this blogger mentioned – do you remember someone asked the other day whether we’d give to homeless people this Christmas – was that they’d maybe give to a woman, but not to a man. |So that kinda made me wonder about the whole gender-stereotyping thing.

      Liked by 1 person

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