Questions That Make Sense

It’s been a while since I’ve participated in one of Rory’s intriguing prompts, but I had some time on my hands today, so I figured I’d jump in and respond to the four aces he threw at us today.

1. What three senses could you NOT live without? Discuss why.

I’ve already lost my sense of taste, and I can’t hear out of my left ear, so my sense of hearing is down by 50%. But I think the most important sense and the one I’d hate losing the most is my common sense.

2. What is your favorite of these two and why? Pen or Pencil.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I used a pencil, so if I must choose between pen and pencil, I’d go with pen. That said, my handwriting is essentially illegible, even to me, so I’d choose neither a pen nor a pencil, but a keyboard or keypad.

3. What are your top 3 colors and why are they your favorites?

Blue, light gray, and dark gray. Hmm. I guess I’m just not a very colorful person.

4. Are you able to list 10 basic smells and if so what are they?

  • Popcorn 👍
  • Dog or cat poop 👎
  • The smell of cooking on an outdoor grill 👍
  • The smell of a wood-burning fire (in a fireplace, of course) 👍
  • Another person’s farts 👎
  • My farts 👍
  • Body odor 👎
  • Sizzling bacon 👍
  • Cigarette or cigar smoke 👎
  • Freshly baked bread 👍

Stop Staring at Women’s Tits

“This doesn’t make any sense to me,” Carl said. “We’d been exchanging message after message on that dating site and everything seemed great.”

“And now?” Carl’s roommate, David asked.

“Nothing but frustration,” Carl answered. I can’t reconcile her latest message with how we’ve been messaging before we finally met in person last night.”

“What did she say to you in her message about last night?” David asked.”

“She said she’s not interested in seeing me again.”

“Did you say or do something that she might have considered inappropriate or possibly even perfidious?” David asked.

“First, I don’t even know what that word means,” Carl said. “But she kept reminding me that her eyes were in her head,” Carl answered.

“Why would anyone have to remind someone that their eyes are in their head?” David responded. “Where else would someone’s eyes be?”
“I don’t know,” Carl said, “although she was wearing a really low cut blouse and I must admit that I had a hard time taking my eyes off of her tits. They were quite, shall we say, ample. Then she said something about my suffering from agastopia. Again, I have no idea what that is, but maybe I should go see a doctor about it. It might contagious.”

“No, I don’t think you need to see a doctor,” David said, “but you might want to improve your vocabulary and you should definitely stop staring at women’s tits.”

Written for these daily prompts: The Daily Spur (message), Ragtag Daily Prompt (frustration), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (reconcile), Your Daily Word Prompt (perfidious), and Word of the Day Challenge (agastopia).

Okay, I know this post is a bit odd (i.e., bad), but so are words like “perfidious” and “agastopia” odd. I mean seriously, who uses words like those in everyday life? Go ahead, you try fitting both of those words into a single, reasonably coherent post and see if you can do any better.

Friday Fictioneers — Bad Karma

“Mommy look,” Jess said, pointing to a baby’s highchair on the sidewalk surrounded by trash. “Can we take it home for my baby doll?”

“No, sweetheart,” Jess’ mother said. “It has a bad karma.”

“What is karma, Momma?” Jess asked.

“It’s hard to explain, honey,” her mother said, “but seeing such a nice highchair on the sidewalk surrounded by junk gives me the willies.”

“What are the willies, Momma?” Jess asked.

“Just bad feelings, like something’s not quite right.”

“So what is wrong with that highchair?” Jess asked.

“Someone tossed it out,” her mother answered. “And that haunts me.”

(99 words)

Written for today’s Friday Fictioneers prompt from Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Photo credit: Roger Bultot.

Fibbing Friday — British Spice and Other Nonsense

Fibbing FridayFrank (aka PCGuy), alternates with Di (aka Pensitivity101) as host for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in your responses.

1. What exactly is Yorkshire pudding?

It’s a British pudding made from ground up bits of homeless Yorkshire Terriers.Don’t ask what Shepherd’s pie is made from.

2. What is treacle, and why do people make tarts out of it?

It’s thick, sticky substance, used primarily by the British, that is poured over the heads of women of ill-repute (i.e., tarts) as a form of punishment. What’s with these Brits, anyway.

3. What is the key ingredient of haggis?

Haggis a British spice made from the ground up bones of recently deceased old ladies (aka hags).

4. How is toffee made?

By mixing together ground up tea leaves and ground up coffee beans. Best served hot, accompanied by Yorkshire pudding seasoned with generous portions of treacle and haggis.

5. How did pound cake get its name?

It was originally made by taking a wooden mallet and using it to pound the bones of recently deceased old women to make haggis, a primary ingredient of pound cake.

6 . Why is candy corn so named?

It was originally named “impacted tooth,” but a consumer testing panel determined that that name was too unappetizing.

7. What is marzipan?

It’s a flat, round, handheld tool used to pan for precious metals on the surface of Mars.

8. Why is a baker’s dozen so named?

Because Thomas Baker was the the first, and so far the only, human being born with six fingers on each hand and the British tabloids referred to him as “Baker’s Dozen.”

9. What is meant by the idiom, “Too many cooks spoil the pot”?

When you and your friends are high on pot and attempt to prepare a meal together in the kitchen, it’s bound to be a downer.

10. What is meant by the idiom, “What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander”?

Foie gras, which is made from goose liver that has become abnormally enlarged by force feeding a goose large amounts of food, is just as expensive whether it’s source is a female goose or a male goose (a gander).