What the hell? Alan thought after he opened the package he received from his editor. He picked up his phone and called the guy.
“Josh here,” the editor said when he answered the call.
“You arrogant son of a bitch,” Alan yelled into the phone.
“Ah, Alan,” Josh said calmly. “I guess you got your manuscript with my edits.”
“Don’t pull your down-home, woodsy routine on me, you worthless, spurious bastard,” Alan said. “Who do you think you are to redline my entire draft and to replace entire sections of it with your revisions? I hired you to edit my book, not to rewrite the damn thing.”
“Alan, you’re just like all of the rest of the wannabe novelist who write shit and then claim you can publish your claptrap independent of editors and publishers,” Josh said.
“Are you calling my manuscript shit?” Alan asked. “You so-called editors couldn’t write your way out of a wet paper bag. All you do is take other people’s creative work and tear it to shreds.”
“You think you’re a creative artist, do you, Alan?” Josh said. “Your manuscript has about as much creativity as a carbon copy.”
“You weren’t saying that when you wanted me to hire you, Alan said. “You claimed, with that deceitful smiling face of yours, that my draft covered a wide sphere of interests and with your great prowess to tidy it up, it could be a best seller. Were you lying then, Josh, you unscrupulous dick?”
“Okay, Alan,” Josh said, “I’m going to put all of my cards on the table.”
“I wish you would, Josh,” Alan said.
“Alan,” Josh said, “Don’t quit your day job.”
Written for the Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Sunday Writing Prompt (cards). And for the Three Things Challenge (sphere, arrogant, smiling) from Di at Pensitivity101. Also for these daily prompts: The Daily Spur (editor), Ragtag Daily Prompt (woodsy), Your Daily Word Prompt (spurious), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (replace), And Word of the Day Challenge (independent).