Ready or Not

3FDF1F91-80D3-4611-90CE-C3840D5D051FGladys: Are you almost ready?

Harry: Ready for what?

Gladys: Ready to go on a trip.

Harry: A trip to where?

Gladys: You know, the one that is sponsored by that organization?

Harry: What organization?

Gladys: That one for retired people.

Harry: My God, woman, have you no compassion?

Gladys: What are you talking about?

Harry: I’m not old enough for an organization like that.

Gladys: Oh, you’re old enough but you’re probably not mature enough.

Written for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (almost), Word of the Day Challenge (ready), Jibber Jabber (trip), The Daily Spur) organization, Your Daily Word Prompt (compassion), and Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (mature).

FFfPP — Bald is Beautiful

EE40739B-5EAA-4EA0-9687-A1E77CBB8236“Hey, buddy, I gotta fly,” Theo said.

“Why?” asked George. “You got someplace you need to be?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Theo responded,

“Theo, I’m your best friend,” George said. “You can tell me anything.”

“It’s embarrassing,” Theo admitted.

“You got dumped by that hot red-tailed hawk I’ve seen you soaring with,” George said. “Am I right?”

“Yeah, I got dumped,” Theo confessed. “But I’m not going to let that bitchy hen clip my wings. I’ve got an appointment at the Hair Club for Birds. Some birds can pull off the bald look, but I don’t think I can.”

George shook his head. “Theo, we are the national bird of the United States. We’re the spiritual symbol for native Americans. And, my friend, we aren’t actually bald. Our white-feathered heads stand out in contrast to the brown feathers on our bodies and wings.”

“Really?” Theo said. “I’m not bald?”

“No, my fine-feathered friend, you’re not,” George said. “You’re regal. And you can do so much better than that hawkish hen. So let’s swoop down and grab ourselves a couple of plump, juicy rabbits to celebrate our majesty. Are you with me or not?”

“Thanks, buddy,” Theo said. “I feel so much better now.”

Written for this week’s Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner from Roger Shipp. Photo credit: Morguefile. (I exceeded the 200 word limit by six words. Sorry about that, Roger.)

What Do You See? — Imagination

46C708E4-AD09-45EF-BADC-CDB9F18D1DE7“Look, Daddy,” five year old Vivian called out, pointing to a clearing at the edge of the woods. “Do you see all of the little Tinkerbells?”

“Tinkerbells?” Her father said, following her gaze. “Oh, you mean those little butterflies?”

“Daddy, they’re fairies and that must mean we’re close to Neverland and Peter Pan,” Vivian said, excitedly.

“Sweetheart,” her father said, “you know there are no such things as fairies. Tinkerbell and Peter Pan are fictional characters. They’re not real and Neverland doesn’t exist except in your imagination.”

Hearing that, Vivian ran over to her father and gave him a swift kick to his right shin.

“Ouch,” her father yelled. “Why did you do that?”

“Because you’re mean and you want to destroy my ‘magination,” Vivian defiantly said.

Written for this week’s What Do You See? prompt from Sadje at Keep It Alive. Photo credit: Pixabay.

Fandango’s Friday Flashback — June 19

Wouldn’t you like to expose your newer readers to some of you earlier posts that they might never have seen? Or remind your long term followers of posts that they might not remember? Each Friday I will publish a post I wrote on this exact date in a previous year.

How about you? Why don’t you reach back into your own archives and highlight a post that you wrote on this very date in a previous year? You can repost your Friday Flashback post on your blog and pingback to this post. Or you can just write a comment below with a link to the post you selected.

If you’ve been blogging for less than a year, go ahead and choose a post that you previously published on this day (the 19th) of any month within the past year and link to that post in a comment.

This was originally published on this blog on June 19, 2017.

Sleep Beautiful Sleep

I can’t tell you how relieved I was when I woke up this morning at seven and realized I had slept through the entire night without having to get up and go to the bathroom. How long has it been since that happened?

Back in the day I used to be a world-class sleeper. I could easily sleep for 10 to 12 hours at a clip, and sometimes even longer. And those were solid, deep, nothing-can-wake-me-up kinds of sleep. Total chaos could have been going on around me and I would be able to just sleep through it all.

Things are very different now, though. If I can manage four or five uninterrupted hours of sleep a night, I’m thrilled.
sleeplessIt’s not that I suffer from insomnia. I can usually fall asleep pretty quickly. My problem is that I can’t stay asleep. And the problem can be boiled down to one unfortunate malady. It’s OMS, or as it’s referred to in the New England Journal of Medicine (or would be if they actually did refer to it at all), “Old Man Syndrome.”

OMS is an affliction that usually starts to manifest itself when men enter their sixties and begin to suffer the aches, pains, and indignities that come with age. It is exacerbated by the fact that whatever they were good at when they were in their prime, they simply are not as good at it any more.

My OMS occurs virtually every night somewhere between 2 and 5 a.m. That’s when I wake up and have no option but to get out of bed to go pee. It doesn’t matter whether I stop drinking fluids right at dinnertime or continue to imbibe until just before bedtime.

Disrupted sleep cycles

According to the Cleveland Clinic, another name for Old Man Syndrome is nocturia. Urine normally decreases in amount and becomes more concentrated at night. That means most people can sleep at least 6 to 8 hours or longer without having to urinate. People who have nocturia, though, have to get up during the night to urinate. Because of this, they often have disrupted sleep cycles.

When I first stated experiencing OMS, I’d get up, go pee, get back into bed, and fall back to sleep almost immediately. Unfortunately, my OMS has gotten worse. Now, more often than not, after returning to the warmth and comfort of my bed, I am unable to fall back to sleep. Instead, my mind starts wandering and I toss and turn, sometimes for an hour or two. Sometimes I’m unable to fall back to sleep at all.

But even more disconcerting than this disrupted sleep cycle business is yet another devastating and demoralizing side effect of OMS.

Previously, in an attempt to minimize the sleep deprivation caused by OMS, I would get out of bed, make my way to the bathroom, turn on the light, grip my shlong, aim for the center of the toilet bowl, and let loose.

But then, after I began to lose my ability to rapidly fall back to sleep upon my return to bed, I thought a slight, scientifically based change in the routine might help. You see, according to WebMD, exposure to artificial light at night may reduce sleep quality by suppressing production of the hormone melatonin, which regulates the sleep-wake cycle.

Armed with the knowledge that turning on the bathroom light will suppress my production of sleep-inducing melatonin, I no longer turn on the bathroom light when I gotta go at night.

As you might imagine, the outcome of a man peeing while standing erect (the man, not the shlong) in the dark can be a bit messy. And so I now sit my butt down on the toilet seat and let loose.

Yes, it’s true. My OMS has evolved into PLAWS, or the dreaded Pee-Like-A-Woman-Syndrome.

Oh, the horror of it all!

FOWC with Fandango — Mature

FOWCWelcome to June 19, 2020 and to Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (aka, FOWC). It’s designed to fill the void after WordPress bailed on its daily one-word prompt.

I will be posting each day’s word just after midnight Pacific Time (US).

Today’s word is “mature.”

Write a post using that word. It can be prose, poetry, fiction, non-fiction. It can be any length. It can be just a picture or a drawing if you want. No holds barred, so to speak.

Once you are done, tag your post with #FOWC and create a pingback to this post if you are on WordPress. Or you can simply include a link to your post in the comments.

The issue with pingbacks not showing up seems to have been resolved, but you might check to confirm that your pingback is there. If not, please manually add your link in the comments.

And be sure to read the posts of other bloggers who respond to this prompt. You will marvel at their creativity.