Damn You, Coronavirus!

As a septuagenarian, which makes me a member of a high risk group, I have been very diligent when it comes to dealing with the threat of the coronavirus pandemic. I wash my hands for 20 seconds throughout the day. I avoid going anywhere where large crowds may congregate. I give fist bumps rather than hand shakes when I meet and greet other people. I maintain a proper degree of “social distance” between myself and others.

So imagine my shock and dismay today when I walked into my local Safeway and saw this:8FEF7C83-D063-4D85-8CE7-2C7046E02853Yes, that’s right. Not a single pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream to be found. Not even my beloved Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream!

Okay, a run on toilet paper is one thing. Price gouging on hand sanitizers is another thing. A shortage of face masks, sure. But a run on Ben & Jerry’s ice cream? WTF?

That’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’m going to call Mike Pence and tattle on you, COVID-19. You’ll be sorry.

3TC — If the Key Fits

key, bent, RAF (F.C. Harrold)Honey, this is the place,” James said. “Isn’t it great?”

Doris looked at the rustic cabin and gave an unenthusiastic grunt. “You know, James, I’m not a big fan of roughing it. Is this place even air conditioned?”

“No way,” James said. “This place is totally off-grid. No electricity, no gas, no internet. You cool the place by opening the windows, you heat the place by burning logs in the fireplace, and you light the place with oil lamps.”

Doris frowned. “There better not be any bugs or spiders in there,” she said.

James chuckled. “Don’t fret, Doris, I’ll protect you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a key to open the cabin’s front and only door. “That’s strange,” he said, jiggling the key in the lock. “The key doesn’t seem to be working.” He pulled it out of the lock and looked at it. “Shit, the damn thing is bent.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Doris said. “Did you bend the key? That’s such a shame. Didn’t we pass a casino on the way here? It looked like a really nice place. We could head back there until you can get a new key.”

Written for today’s Three Things Challenge from Di at Pensitivity101, where the three things are “honey,” “key,” and “place.” Also for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (bend).

Page & Line Challenge — Getting Even

Teresa Grabs has issued a new Page & Line Challenge. For this challenge, Teresa asks us to “grab the book you’re reading or a random book off your shelf and turn to page 264 (or location if you’re using an ebook). Scroll down to line 8 and write a story using that line somewhere in it.

974E4581-B112-452B-9B71-5351DBB3A66CThe book I chose is an ebook in my iPhone’s Kindle library, Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls: Essays, Etc. by David Sedaris. It’s a book of humorous short stories, and line 8 at location 264 is from a short story titled “Memory Lapse.” The line in question is “She’d sit waist-deep in the kiddie pool, dropping her cigarette ash….”

Okay, then. Here’s my tale built around that line.

Annie hated it when it got this hot. It had to be close to 100 degrees and the humidity made it feel almost unbearable. She had pleaded with her husband to put an in-ground pool in the backyard, but he wouldn’t hear of it. “Too much money,” he’d say. “Too much hassle,” he’d add.

So she tried to persuade him to install an above-ground pool, but he said those were ugly eyesores that only rednecks and foreigners would put in their yards.

In her desperation to have pool in their backyard, Annie threatened to leave her husband. The next day, in response, he told Annie that she deserved to have a pool, grabbed her hand and led her out to the backyard.

“What the fuck?” Annie exclaimed when she saw the small, inflatable children’s pool in their yard. “Is this your idea of a joke?” she screamed at him. He just laughed and walked back into the house.

After yet another hot and muggy day, and Annie devised a plan to get even with her husband. It was simple and, yes, a little bit evil. She’d call a swimming pool company and schedule an appointment to have a pool maintenance man come over to clean the pool. She’d call her husband and tell him to meet her at home about 15 minutes after the appointment start time.

Then she’d go into the backyard, strip off all of her clothes, light up a smoke, and she’d sit waist-deep in the kiddie pool, dropping her cigarette ash on the grass while waiting for the pool guy to arrive. If her timing worked out as she planned it, her husband would arrive just in time to see her and the pool guy, shall we say, treading water.

She may not end up getting a real, in-ground pool, she figured, but she would definitely be getting even.

FOWC with Fandango — Bend

FOWCWelcome to March 12, 2020 and to Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (aka, FOWC). It’s designed to fill the void after WordPress bailed on its daily one-word prompt.

I will be posting each day’s word just after midnight Pacific Time (US).

Today’s word is “bend.”

Write a post using that word. It can be prose, poetry, fiction, non-fiction. It can be any length. It can be just a picture or a drawing if you want. No holds barred, so to speak.

Once you are done, tag your post with #FOWC and create a pingback to this post if you are on WordPress. Or you can simply include a link to your post in the comments.

The issue with pingbacks not showing up seems to have been resolved, but you might check to confirm that your pingback is there. If not, please manually add your link in the comments.

  1. And be sure to read the posts of other bloggers who respond to this prompt. You will marvel at their creativity.