“Thank you for coming, Alan,” Mike said. “Have a seat. I promise this won’t take long.”
“You’re very welcome,”Alan said. “This is my first performance review and I hope you think I’m doing a good job. By the way,” he said, placing a cardboard tray on Mike’s desk, “I picked up a couple of blueberry muffins and some coffee at the bakery around the corner. They’re delicious, in case you haven’t already tried them.”
“I appreciate that, Alan, but I’m on a gluten-free diet,” Mike said. “Now let’s discuss your strong points. You’ve shown that you’re quite nimble and have demonstrated incredible tenacity when it comes to attacking your work assignment. In that respect, you leave many of your coworkers in the dust.”
“Thank you, Mike,” Alan said. “I love my job and I’m really trying to stand out.”
“There are a few things that we need to discuss, though,” Mike said. “We try to maintain a certain decorum at our firm, and you have shown a bit of a lack in that area.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Alan said. “Can you give me an example?”
“Well, as you know, we have a dress code here Alan,” Mike said, “and those Izod knit shirts with the alligator symbol sewn on them is not really appropriate for the office.”
“I didn’t realize there was an official office uniform,” Alan said. “But if you need me to, I can start wearing dress shirts to the office. Anything else?”
Mike got a serious look on his face. “Yes, the other matter is a little more delicate, Alan,” he said. “Our IT group monitors internal web browsing histories of company-provided computers and they’ve reported to me that you’re spending an average of an hour and a half a day visiting porn sites.”
Alan turned red and stated to sweat a little. “I didn’t realize that my browsing history was monitored.”
“You should have read the employment agreement when you started, Alan,” Mike said. “The company reserves the right to monitor the use of company-issued equipment. I’m afraid that this breach of decorum is quite serious and we’re going to have to let you go.”
“Even if I cut it back to half hour a day?” Alan asked.
Mike just shook his head.
Written for Paula Light’s Three Things Challenge, where the three things are “dust,” “uniform,” and “alligator.” Also for these daily prompts: Word of the Day Challenge (welcome), Daily Addictions (delicious), Your Daily Word Prompt (nimble), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (tenacity), The Daily Spur (lack), and Ragtag Daily Prompt (web).