I hate clipping my toenails. They seem to always be just out of reach. At my age, I can no longer contort my body in such a way as to make the job of clipping them in any way comfortable.
And they’re hard to see clearly as they occupy that sweet spot where I can’t seem to get my toes close enough to see without my glasses but too far away to focus on with my glasses.
Plus, for some strange reason, my toenails are way thicker than my fingernails, making them harder to clip.
I asked my wife if she would clip my toenails for me. “Ew, no!” was her response. My own wife! Can you imagine? She suggested, instead, that since I find clipping my toenails so onerous, I should consider going out and getting a pedicure.
“Ew, no!” I said. I mean seriously, I would never voluntarily choose to expose anyone else to my ugly, stinky toes. Can you imagine?
I sometimes put off toenail maintenance for so long that when I walk our dog, my toenails dig into the skin of the neighboring toes, so much so that there are small red dots of blood on my white socks when I remove my shoes. That’s when I know it’s time.
So I suck it up, bite the bullet, and just go ahead and clip my own damn toenails.
You know, this is the 21st century, for crissake. You would have thought by now that some enterprising entrepreneur would have developed a device that would painlessly, effectively, and efficiently As clip toenails.
I’d be the first in line to buy one!