Toenail Maintenance

95633893-A81D-4D48-AB43-1BB41810F153I hate clipping my toenails. They seem to always be just out of reach. At my age, I can no longer contort my body in such a way as to make the job of clipping them in any way comfortable.

And they’re hard to see clearly as they occupy that sweet spot where I can’t seem to get my toes close enough to see without my glasses but too far away to focus on with my glasses.

Plus, for some strange reason, my toenails are way thicker than my fingernails, making them harder to clip.

I asked my wife if she would clip my toenails for me. “Ew, no!” was her response. My own wife! Can you imagine? She suggested, instead, that since I find clipping my toenails so onerous, I should consider going out and getting a pedicure.

“Ew, no!” I said. I mean seriously, I would never voluntarily choose to expose anyone else to my ugly, stinky toes. Can you imagine?

I sometimes put off toenail maintenance for so long that when I walk our dog, my toenails dig into the skin of the neighboring toes, so much so that there are small red dots of blood on my white socks when I remove my shoes. That’s when I know it’s time.

So I suck it up, bite the bullet, and just go ahead and clip my own damn toenails.

You know, this is the 21st century, for crissake. You would have thought by now that some enterprising entrepreneur would have developed a device that would painlessly, effectively, and efficiently As clip toenails.

I’d be the first in line to buy one!

8 thoughts on “Toenail Maintenance

  1. Sadje August 9, 2019 / 1:07 pm

    I tell my husband the same thing. Get a pedicure.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. 1k dreams August 9, 2019 / 5:34 pm

    I’m still young and
    I don’t like to clip my toenails, too. they are all on their own, they grow, grow, and grow, and one day they fell off on their own. that’s why I’m always wearing shoes and if such a tool is made I’ll be next to you to buy it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Marleen August 10, 2019 / 6:35 pm

    Someone — a boyfriend — clipped my toenails when I was very young… not because I couldn’t or didn’t want to but, well, just because. He did it wrong. My toe was injured. You, the person doing the clipping, have to think through where the nail is and where the flesh meets it. I’ve never been able to entertain the notion of having a pedicure since. But he was not a professional.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. adeleaide August 17, 2019 / 11:04 pm

    Just get a pedicure, believe it or not, but some of us nail technicians actually like to make the feet look nice 😉 No foot phobias around here 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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