There’s Nothing You Can’t Get On Amazon

John, a supervisor for the movie studio’s logistics department, had been extremely busy at work over past few months. He absolutely needed a break in order to maintain his mental health. He decided to go see his boss to ask for some time off.

After he got approval, he went to see his assistant, Mike, to tell him the good news. “Jefferson just approved a two-week vacation for me,” John told Mike.

“Wow,” Mike said, “Jefferson never gives anyone two weeks off at this time of year. How’d you get the old man to agree to do that?

Well, I went to his office and he was on the phone arguing with some buyer about a delayed shipment of gorilla suits for the upcoming “Planet of the Apes” parody,” John explained. “So I was lingering outside of Jefferson’s office waiting for him to get off a call. Finally, he slammed down the phone, walked over to his office door, and started to shut it in my face. But I was able to stick my foot in the door to prevent him from closing it.”

“Good for you,” Mike said. “But how did you get him to give you two weeks off, especially since he was so pissed?”

“I told him,” John said, “that if he gave me the time off, I’d take care of his gorilla suit problem.”

“How are you going to do that?” Mike asked.

“I told him that I’d get my assistant to handle it.”

“But wait!” Mike exclaimed. “I’m your assistant.”

“Yes you are, Mike,” John said, “So you’d best get cracking and begin to examine your options. And I’m sure you’ll have a great anecdote or two to share with me when I’m back in two weeks about how you were able to get it done.”

“John, wait! I don’t even know where to begin,” Mike said.27EFCCD6-E14B-439A-BA40-E7DBCBFFD16C“Try Amazon, Mike,” John said on his way out. “There’s nothing you can’t get on Amazon.”

Written for Paula Light’s Three Things Challenge, where the things are “buyer,” “foot,” and “gorilla.” Also for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (busy), Weekly Prompts (time off), Word of the Day Challenge (lingering), Your Daily Word Prompt (examine), and Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (anecdote).

#100WW — The Gargoyle on Top of the Cathedral

CF4600CA-AB7B-44AE-8E15-5AE04C043A54I’ve seen it all from up here on my perch high atop this cathedral for the last 850 years. I’ve witnessed the very best of humanity and civilization and I’ve witnessed the very worst of both.

I’ve seen war and revolution. I’ve seen peace and salvation. I’ve seen unfathomable cruelty and incredible kindness. I’ve seen death and destruction and birth and construction.

I’ve seen progress and growth. I’ve seen stagnation and decline. I’ve seen warriors and holy men.

Yes, I’ve seen things come and I’ve seen things go. But I don’t think I, or humanity and civilization, will see another 850 years.

(100 words)

Written for this week’s 100 Word Wednesday prompt from Bikurgurl. Photo credit: Pedro Lastra.

Disappearing Act

0DE6ADF4-60C2-41F7-8BD4-590D9C849F68I received a rather strange and disturbing email via my contact page from a blogger I follow, Marilyn Armstrong, over at Serendipity.

“Haven’t heard from you in weeks. You mad at me?” she wrote.

I didn’t know why the real Marilyn would send that, since I read her blog almost religiously, click like on most of her posts, and comment on many of them. I thought maybe someone had spoofed her email, and that if I clicked on her embedded link, I’d be the victim of malware.

So I reached out to Marilyn, who informed me that the email was, indeed, from her. She responded by telling me that she hadn’t seen any comments from me since early April.

What? The only explanation is that my comments were disappearing somewhere in cyberspace or getting hijacked in the blogosphere.

You know, I’ve seen other bloggers complain that their pingbacks weren’t working or that their comments weren’t showing up, but I didn’t realize it was happening to my comments as well.

So if you suddenly happen to notice my absence in you comments section, it might be due to some glitch in WordPress.

Just wanted to let you know. In case, you know, you missed me.

O is for Onomatopoeia

8D49DF05-F2CF-4889-89BB-79573476844CO is for what? Onomatopoeia, that’s what. What is an onomatopoeia, you ask? Well, you already know what it is if you’ve ever written or said words like “buzz” or “hiss.” Because onomatopoeia is a literary device that involves the naming of a thing or action by a vocal imitation of the sound associated with it, like “bang,” “boom,” “ca-ching,” “cluck,” “moo,” “oink,” “purr,” “snarl,” or — well, you get it.

From my perspective, onomatopoeia is not only a great word to say, but it comes in handy when writing. It adds color and description using something almost every reader can relate to. I mean how would you write about the low, continuous, vibratory sound that a contented cat makes if you couldn’t use the word “purr”?

But the word also brings back fond memories — for me, anyway — of the time when my fifth grade teacher introduced the class to that beautiful, six syllable word. Why? Because I had a crush on a girl whose name was Anna. And because I was an immature, smartass of a fifth grader.

I thought I would impress the hell out of Anna when I heard the word onomatopoeia by looking at her and saying, “So, Anna-wanta-pee-ah?”

I did impress Anna. Unfortunately, not in a good way. In fact, it only took two times of my saying, “Anna-wanta-pee-ah?” for her to suggest that I do something to myself that is both physically and anatomically impossible.

But even though I lost Anna when she told me to go “cluck” myself, I still love saying the word onomatopoeia.

Previous A to Z Challenge 2019 posts:

One-Liner Wednesday — It’s About Time


“When people look at their watches, more often than not, they’re checking to see what time it’s not, rather than what time it is.”

This was another original quotation from yours truly, although I’m sure I’m not the only one who has expressed this sentiment.

I know that I’ll often look at my watch when I need to be someplace at a certain time and, in order to get there, I have to leave for wherever it is that I’m supposed to be “X” minutes in advance.

Say, for example, I offered to pick up a friend at the airport and his flight is scheduled to land at 2:40 pm. And let’s say it takes me 45 minutes to get from where I am to the airport.

Are you still with me? Anyway, in order to get to the airport by 2:40, I need to leave no later than 1:55, right? So when I look at my watch, I’m checking to make sure that it’s not yet 1:55, rather than what time it actually is.

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? You’re the same way, right?

Of course, the exception is when somebody directly asks you what time it is. Then you look at your watch and say, “Oh jeez, it’s 2:10. I shoulda left for the airport 15 minutes ago.”

P.S. Have you noticed that almost all pictures of watches or clocks in advertisements and commercials show the time as 10:10? Why is that?

Written for this week’s One-Liner Wednesday prompt from Linda G. Hill.