Tax Season Trauma

messy desk paperworkAvery looked at his watch and let out a banshee-like scream. In a panic, the nanny ran to Avery’s home office and flung open the door. “Are you okay, sir?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s just that it’s tax season and, as a tax accountant, I feel like I’m buried under an avalanche of tax forms. I’ve got half a mind to take all these papers out to the backyard and dump them into the fire pit.”

The nanny smiled and jokingly said, “Please don’t, sir. Otherwise I’d have to report you to the authorities.”

“Maybe that would be a better option than having to complete all these goddam tax forms,” Avery said. “These people act like they’re nobility, but they’re nothing but a horde of brainless zombies who are too incompetent to file their own taxes.”

“But sir,” the nanny said, “helping people with their taxes is how you earn your living. If you didn’t do that, you wouldn’t be able to pay me to take care of your children.”

“That’s a good point, Charita,” Avery said. “You do take excellent care of my children.” Avery paused for a moment and then added, “And you take excellent care of me, too. Quick! Get in here!”

Written for Paula Light’s Three Things Challenge, where the three things are report, nanny, and zombies. Also for Teresa’s Story Starter, where the line is “Quick! Get in here!” And for these daily prompts: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (watch), Ragtag Daily Prompt (avalanche), Word of the Day Challenge (Fire), and Your Daily Word Prompt (nobility).

So Way or No Way — Who Hasn’t?

598DA647-9555-454E-B5D6-1D536B5A300BRory brings us another installment of his infamous So Way/No Way Challenge. So let’s get right to it, shall we?

Licked chocolate off someone

Mmm. So way. Who hasn’t?

Ridden a motorcycle

So way. Who hasn’t?

Sucked toes 

So way. And, by the way, she loved it!

Run while laden down with groceries/shopping and fallen over

So way. I was running up the steps with two full bags of groceries, tripped on the top step, went careening head first into the opposite wall, and winded up having to go through two months of physical therapy. Can you say “klutz”?

Been shocked by electricity

So way. Who hasn’t?46EE009E-25E8-4FFB-A54D-6972D67EB3C4

Eaten an ant

No way. Do I look like an anteater to you? Although I will admit to a bit of tongue-envy.53E1F920-8D07-4ADC-9E7A-D05E3CF132A1

Eaten rabbit

So way, but it wasn’t my pet rabbit, so that’s okay.

Faked it …yes IT

Okay, fine. So way.

Swum with sharks

No way.

Broken a promise

So way. Who hasn’t?

Performed a naked angel in the snow

I’ve done a lot of things naked, but believe it or not, no way I’ve done a naked snow angel.

Been ill on a special occasion and couldn’t attend

 No way, at least not that I can recall.

Bitten a pet

Other than my pet rabbit, no way. (Just kidding. I never bit my pet rabbit.)

Locked someone in a room

No way. Although I have been locked in a room…one of those Escape Room challenges.

Dressed up like a monster

So way. What kid hasn’t? When I was a kid, I dressed up as Dracula for a few Halloween parties. He was a monster, right?9A8A7165-CB1F-4BA0-8F00-AFF21F09B210

Walked in on somone in the toilet

So way. I don’t know which of us was more mortified. By the way, not to be too persnickety, but they weren’t in the toilet, they were on the toilet.

Had to run to save my life

Fortunately, no way.

Been chased by a cat

Scratched by a cat, yes. Bitten by a cat, yes. Chased by a cat, no way.

Been totally awake for three days or more.

No way.

Gone fishing

So way. Who hasn’t?

Been chased by a dog

So way. Who hasn’t?75CEB801-B788-492C-9A29-9B6F412C9FE3

#TMAT120 — Going Commando

I was an usher at an out-of-town wedding and had to get fitted for a tuxedo. All of the men in the wedding party went to the tailor together. We were in a large fitting room when the tailor instructed us to remove our trousers.

Back then I was a hippie who went commando (i.e., I didn’t wear underpants). I dropped trou and there I was with four other guys in the fitting room and I was the only one fully “exposed.”

The tailor knelt down in front of me, my junk in front of his face at eye-level. Unfazed, he looked up at me with a blank expression, and politely asked, “Will you be wearing underpants at the wedding?”

(Exactly 120 words)

9B646C9D-1F1C-4DD6-A2BB-E2848E7E71C6This post was written for this months Tell Me a Tale in (Exactly) 120 Words (#TMAT120) prompt. The challenge is to write about “a funny event in your life.”

Note: this is a highly edited, cut down version of a much longer, 487 word post I wrote in July 2017. If you’re interested in reading the original, click HERE.

Friday Fictioneers — The Scooter and the Cat

C452FDC0-9E51-4661-8F75-1268CC6F9231“Here’s a picture of the scooter that was stolen from right in front of my flat, Officer,” Dwayne said.

“Is the black cat also missing?” Officer Bremen asked.

“No,” Dwayne said. “The cat is fine. He’s inside.”

“He’s a cutie,” the officer said. “My wife and I had a black cat, too. She looked just like yours. She was almost twenty when she died last year. We miss her. What’s his name?”

“It’s Rudy,” Dwayne said. “But I called….”

“Rudy?” The officer said, laughing. “Like In Rudy Giuliani?”

“Excuse me, Officer, but can we talk about my stolen motor scooter?”

(100 words)

Written for this week’s Friday Fictioneers prompt from Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Photo credit: C.E. Ayr.

#writephoto — Secret Getaway

FA1BE547-6122-4811-BDA4-2218A5209E5C“Oh Jacob, look at this place. It’s so serene, so idyllic,” Eileen said.

“I’m glad you like it, Eileen,” Jacob said, beaming. “I camp out here a few times each summer. It’s like my secret getaway. But this is the first time I’ve ever brought anyone here with me.”

“I’m honored, Jacob, that you’d share your secret place with me,” Eileen said, grabbing Jacob’s hand and squeezing it tightly. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen colors like these. The tree trunks and the ground by the water’s edge have a lavender tint to them. It’s so unusual.”

“What are you talking about, Eileen?” Jacob asked.

Eileen pointed to the tree right in front of them. “Look, Jacob,” she said, “it has a purplish, iridescent glow.”

“Eileen, sweetie,” Jacob said. “take off your rose-colored sunglasses.”

Eileen reached up and removed her sunglasses and said, “Oh, right.”5C522C42-8266-42BD-A13B-21324379AFA3

Written for Sue Vincent’s Thursday Photo Prompt.