Definitive Proof

B9675BB6-2C0E-4FBF-803C-9357E9996021I’m now convinced more than ever that God does not exist. How do I know? Well, yesterday I bought five Mega Millions “quick pick” tickets, as I explained in THIS post. Since it was Christmas Day, I asked God to show me a sign that he/she/it exists. And what better sign of God’s existence could there be than God’s blessing me, an atheist, with the winning Mega Millions ticket. I even committed to God that I would abandon my long-held skepticism and start believing in him/her/it should I win.

Well, I now present you all with definitive proof that God does not exist. Not only did I not win the 321 million dollar jackpot, I didn’t win a goddam thing, not even two dollars. And if God did exist, wouldn’t this have been a golden opportunity to have made his/hers/its presence known? Of course it would have been.

But don’t fret, folks. I believe in second chances. So I’m going to buy five more ‘quick pick’ tickets for this Friday’s Mega Millions drawing, which is now estimated to be valued at around $350 million.

Come on, God. Take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity to show yourself. Show me the love, God! Show me the money!

32 thoughts on “Definitive Proof

  1. Sadje December 26, 2018 / 4:29 pm

    You are throwing good money after bad. The presence of God can be felt not seen. But best of luck with that draw! 😃

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Willow December 26, 2018 / 4:29 pm

    Don’t forget the ice cream. I mean at least then you’ll have immediate and guaranteed satisfaction.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Paula Light December 26, 2018 / 4:36 pm

    Pretty darn silly of God not to take this easy peasy opp to convert a nonbeliever!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. paeansunplugged December 26, 2018 / 5:11 pm

    Giving a second chance is very generous of you. Let’s see if the bait is taken this time!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. cagedunn December 26, 2018 / 5:12 pm

    Is this the time to say it? Be careful what you wish for …

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Marilyn Armstrong December 26, 2018 / 5:14 pm

    Pfffft. EVERYbody who buys a lottery ticket does the same thing. You need to make the kind of prayer a god of everything would pay attention to. Something … BIG.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango December 26, 2018 / 6:44 pm

      $350 million is pretty damn big…to me, anyway. And God hasn’t yet answered my prayer to smite Trump.

      Like

  7. Michael December 26, 2018 / 5:54 pm

    God being God would be rolling on the floor with laughter at such foolhardiness, I should know I take that attitude every week.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Richmond Road December 26, 2018 / 9:22 pm

    I DID warn you. This is just the sort of arrogant indifference typical of almost all Gods. And don’t expect divine intervention with regard to Mr Trump, either. God hardly ever smites people these days, no matter how obviously they need it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango December 26, 2018 / 9:29 pm

      “God hardly ever smites people these days, no matter how obviously they need it.” Yet another proof that God doesn’t exist.

      Like

      • Richmond Road December 26, 2018 / 9:47 pm

        Hmmm …. you may be onto something. Are you suggesting that God did exist but does no longer – hence the lack of smiting over the last few thousand years? There’s been a dramatic reduction in miracles too ….
        He may have just dozed off, of course. A few Millenia is just the cosmic blink of an eye, from His perspective.
        So you winning the lottery next week might actually be a signal of an awakening – the first act of His return. It may be the dawn of a new age.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Fandango December 26, 2018 / 9:52 pm

          I don’t know about a new age for God, but if I win the lottery, it will definitely be the dawning of a new age for me!

          Like

          • Richmond Road December 26, 2018 / 10:20 pm

            Best be humble about it when the cash gets delivered. Don’t point out to everyone that you are clearly God’s favourite. That might anger Him. Don’t go getting your name on the smiting list.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Fandango December 26, 2018 / 10:57 pm

              Humility is my strong suit. I’ll do it on the down-low.

              Like

  9. newepicauthor December 27, 2018 / 1:49 pm

    You are going about this the wrong way, as if you were only to buy one ticket instead of five, you would be sending God a message of how much you trusted Him. Think back to Moses when God told him to strike the rock so his people could have water. When Moses struck the rock, at first nothing happened, so he struck it again. Bad move as this pissed God off and Moses was denighed entry into the Promised Land because he lacked faith.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango December 27, 2018 / 2:20 pm

      But that was the “old” God. The “new” God is full of love, compassion, and forgiveness, right?

      Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango December 28, 2018 / 4:35 pm

      I don’t know yet. The drawing is tonight.

      Like

  10. Ihagh G. T. February 14, 2019 / 3:46 am

    I wish you good luck my brother/sister, but I want you to always remind you that almighty God (and his kingdom of the past, present and future) doesn’t prove himself by physical observation: Luke 17: 20. what I mean is that God would likely not prove himself the way you expect

    Liked by 1 person

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