I’m now convinced more than ever that God does not exist. How do I know? Well, yesterday I bought five Mega Millions “quick pick” tickets, as I explained in THIS post. Since it was Christmas Day, I asked God to show me a sign that he/she/it exists. And what better sign of God’s existence could there be than God’s blessing me, an atheist, with the winning Mega Millions ticket. I even committed to God that I would abandon my long-held skepticism and start believing in him/her/it should I win.
Well, I now present you all with definitive proof that God does not exist. Not only did I not win the 321 million dollar jackpot, I didn’t win a goddam thing, not even two dollars. And if God did exist, wouldn’t this have been a golden opportunity to have made his/hers/its presence known? Of course it would have been.
But don’t fret, folks. I believe in second chances. So I’m going to buy five more ‘quick pick’ tickets for this Friday’s Mega Millions drawing, which is now estimated to be valued at around $350 million.
Come on, God. Take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity to show yourself. Show me the love, God! Show me the money!