It’s Back! Maybe

I am so happy! You may recall that exactly two months ago today, I wrote a rather whiny post in which I lamented the apparent disappearance of my favorite breakfast cereal, Total, from the cereal aisle at all of my local grocery stores. I was devastated and was forced to go on an exhaustive search for a replacement breakfast cereal.

And you may also recall a post I wrote about two weeks later in which I announced that I had rediscovered Wheaties, which, while not my beloved Total, could serve as a suitable substitute. Still, I missed Total.

Well, guess what? I went to my local grocery store today and look what I saw staring back at me in the cereal aisle.C776F35A-ADCE-40E6-961E-8EF6962BAE0BI was so excited that I bought four boxes. Four! You know, just in case this was a mistake and they won’t restock Total once this batch is sold out.

A Man’s Man

rugged good looks Luxury Scottie in a Canoe RUGGED GOOD LOOKSShe couldn’t take her eyes off of him. He had to be well over six feet tall. And from what she could see of his features in the moonlit night, he possessed rugged good looks. Was she hallucinating? She must have been. He looked too good to be true. She’d always dreamed of someday meeting the proverbial strong, silent type. She was, quite simply, overcome by an immense attraction to the man she saw.

It took all of her courage to walk over to where he was standing. As she got closer, he seemed to be talking to himself, but she couldn’t hear what he was saying. When she got next to him, she said, “Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I saw you in the moonlight and, well, I think I’m in love.”

He shrugged and continued to recite whatever it was he was saying, literally ignoring her. “Excuse me,” she said again. “Did you hear what I just said? You are a beautiful specimen of a man and I think I’m in love with you.”

He still ignored her and continued his recitation. Now she was angry. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you deaf? Are you blind? I said I love you. You are the image of a man’s man. And, by the way, I’m a goddam catch!”

He finally looked at her. “Yes, I am a man’s man. I’m gay,” he said. “So I imagine you will understand my constraint when it comes to responding to your declaration of love. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to continue to practice my gay rights manifesto for tomorrow’s Pride parade.”


Written for the following prompts: Your Daily Word Prompt (moonlit), Daily Addictions (immense), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (silent), Scotts Daily Prompt (constraint), and Word of the Day Challenge (manifesto).

DWC — Doctor Strange

97631CE7-797B-45EE-976E-40B52EFF7B6AI’d been to see my regular doctor. He recommended a dermatologist who, in turn, recommended a neurologist. But none of them was able to identify the rash on my shoulders that was incessantly itching. It was driving me crazy.

As fate would have it, I was in a bar one night, telling the bartender about my mystery rash. The bartender leaned in close and said to me, “I know this doctor. He’s amazing and I love him.” He then wrote the guy’s name and number on a napkin. “This is my gift to you, pal,” he said.

The next day I called the number and the doctor said he could see me, but not until midnight. I thought that was kind of odd, but I was desperate. I took down his address and arrranged to be there at the stroke of witching hour.

The address he gave me turned out to be an old, Victorian home at the edge of town. I walked up the steps and stood on the porch of the spooky looking house, but decided I had little to lose. So I rang the bell.

A tall, strange looking man with wild hair and a somewhat sardonic grin greeted me and invited me in. I followed him into a parlor and he instructed me to remove my shirt, which I did. “Hmm,” he said when he saw my rash. He poked at my skin.

“Ooh,” I said. He pinched my skin. “Eee,” I said. Then he took a sharp instrument and pricked me with it a few times. “Ooh, ah, ah,” I screamed.

“Walla walla, bing bang!” he shouted. “I know just what to do!”

He left the room for a minute and came back with a salve that he rubbed on my shoulders. The itching instantly stopped. My rash immediately disappeared. “This is a miracle,” I said. “What kind of doctor are you, anyway?” I asked.

He grinned. “You really don’t want to know.


Written for Teresa’s Daily Writing Challenge, where the challenge is to “take a trip to the Witch Doctor — or be inspired by the following three words: love, gift, fate.

FFfAW — Juxtaposition

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“Is that a lantern?” Jayne asked, pointing to the orange item.

Yes,” Tim responded. “It’s a battery operated lantern that my parents put out on our front porch every year on Halloween.”

“But that winged lion on the lantern’s top,” Jayne said. “Isn’t that a Christian symbol?”

“Yes,” Tim said. “It’s one of four creatures standing around the throne of the Almighty in the Gospel of St. Mark. The winged lion appeared in Prophet Ezekiel’s vision, where four winged creatures represented the four evangelists — Matthew the human, Mark the lion, Luke the bull, and John the eagle.”

“But Halloween is a pagan holiday?” Jayne said. “Why would a Halloween lantern have a Christian symbol on it?”

“Well,” Tim explained. “It’s a compromise between my mother and father. Juxtaposing a Christian symbol on the pagan holiday sends a spiritual message, thus satisfying them both, since he’s an atheist and he loves Halloween, while she’s Catholic and not a Halloween fan.”

“Oh,” said Jayne, But what does that make you?” Jayne asked.

“Very confused,” Tim answered.

(174 words)


Written for this week’s Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers from Priceless Joy. Photo credit: wildverbs.

Twittering Tales — Dark Ages

428701E8-1C29-46A7-9468-E97705E15470“What are they?” Donny asked.

“They were called typewriters,” Steve answered.

“What did they do?”

“People used them to type their text messages and then print them on paper. Then they would put them in envelopes and mail them.”

“OMG, that’s medieval.”

“So dark ages.”

“I know, right?”

(278 characters)