This letter is really hard for me to write, but I want you to know that it’s not you, it’s me. When we were first introduced, I was hoping that we might fall for each other, but I don’t see that happening and I think it might be best if I leave.
I know you have a lot to offer. I love your weather, it’s close to perfect. And, of course, you’re so colorful; I must admit that you look stunningly beautiful at this time of year. And as a sports fan, October, I have to say that you’re unsurpassed. Baseball, football, basketball, and hockey. Wow!
That said, October, there are certain characteristics of yours that I’m not particularly fond of. First of all, what is this fascination you have with gourds, especially pumpkins? Omigod, October, can’t tell you how much I dislike pumpkins. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin spice, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin bread, pumpkin jam, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin ice cream. Ew, ew, and ew. Enough already with you goddam pumpkins, October.
And you are so high maintenance, October. I feel like I’m always having to clean up after you. Week after week I have to rake you in and as soon as I’m done getting you back under control, we have a blow up and I have to start from scratch again. It’s downright tedious.
And then there’s Halloween. Seriously, October, who’s crazy idea was that? All of these ghosts and goblins, monsters and vampires? And what’s the deal with all of these scary movies you want me to take you to when you’re not dragging me off to one of your kinky costume parties. Of course, October, when you wear your sexy Elvira outfit….
But I digress. Listen, October, it seems that all of my friends are sharing scary stories and those tales are giving me nightmares. And then on Halloween night there are all those little rugrats out trick or treating, ringing my doorbell every two or three minutes, begging for candy corn and fun-size Snickers. That’s so annoying.
But the icing on the carrot cake, October, is that you always seem to give me the cold shoulder as soon as your friend November shows up. November puts a damper on everything.
So I’m sorry, October. I know we’ve only been together for a short time, but it’s just not going to work out. You’re may be great for others, but I’m just not that into you. I do hope you understand. Besides, I’ve actually started taking quite a shine to April. She has a lot of spring in her step, you know?