Did I Tell You About the Time…

…I heard someone I worked with (when I was still working) come up with some strange word usage? It took place during a meeting with a prospective client.

8C5F1821-1E26-4F56-A8CB-35FF53CB3418The speaker was expressing his dismay at some issue that had cropped up during a major system implementation process. That’s when he said, “I can’t phantom how something like this could have happened.” Of course, what he should have said was “I can’t fathom how….”

Later on, the same guy, during the same meeting, said, “I’m not going to dilute myself into thinking that the issue has been satisfactorily addressed.” What he should have said, “I am not going to delude myself….”

The guy wasn’t the smartest bulb in the box.


Written for today’s Ragtag Daily Prompt, “fathom.”

Sunday Photo Fiction — Flotsam and Jetsam

75A69944-883C-4B2B-BDCD-AFA5FF9525E4“What has become of us?” Nathan asked Ethel. “We come all the way down here to the Caribbean and buy a condo on a beautiful tropical island so that we can spend our retirement in a virtual paradise and what are we doing?”

“Oy vey, Nathan,” Ethel said, “spit it out already, do me a favor, will you please? You talk and talk and never get to the point.”

“You want me to get to the point, Ethel,” Nathan said. “Fine, I’ll paint you a goddam picture. Look at the two of us, Ethel. We spend day after day floating on this raft like flotsam and jetsam, getting nowhere and doing nothing.”

“What are you talking, Nathan, flotsam and what did you say, jetsam?” Ethel said. “You’re making no sense. Go back to your nap.”

“That’s what I’m talking about, Ethel,” Nathan said. “I’m talking about nothing. We’re wasting what little time we have left on earth doing nothing.”

“So tell me, Nathan, what is it that you want to do?”

“I don’t know, Ethel. Something.”

“You want something, Nathan, fine,” Ethel said. “Let’s go back to the condo and have sex.”

“Oy gevalt, Ethel,” Nathan said. “Never mind.”

(199 words)


Written for Sunday Photo Fiction. Photo credit: Susan Spaulding.

 

Born in America

E76CA8ED-75C5-4199-B3C7-D8B5E5CA64CDHere’s a true story ripped from the headlines that illustrates life in America under Donald Trump.

A woman was born in a farmhouse in the 1970s in Leavenworth County, Kansas, the heartland of America. Days after she was born, her father went to the local courthouse to certify her birth and was issued a legal birth certificate.

This woman had been issued a U.S. passport before using her birth certificate as proof of her American citizenship. She went to renew her passport and her local passport agency accepted her birth certificate. But a few days later she received a letter from the federal division of the U.S. Passport Agency out of Houston telling her the application was denied and required further documentation.

The letter stated that, because her birth certificate was not issued at a institution or hospital, it was not considered proof enough of her citizenship. Some of the additional items that the passport agency said would be acceptable were a border crossing or green card for her parents issued prior to her birth and family early religious records such as a family Bible.

WTF? The woman’s parents were born in the United States, so there are no border cards or green cards in the family history. “Family religious records?” the woman said. “We don’t have any. Family Bible? They won’t accept a birth certificate but they will accept a family Bible?”

According to the U.S. State Department website, a birth certificate is acceptable proof of citizenship. But the U.S. Passport Agency may have the authority to consider a person’s application on a “case by case basis.”

So look out Americans. Being born and raised in the United States to parents who were also born in the U.S., and having a legitimate birth certificate just won’t cut it anymore in Trumplandia. Remember to bring your family Bible to the passport office.

Song Lyric Sunday — No Lyrics

My choice of song for Helen Vahdati’s Song Lyric Sunday prompt is, well, unusual. It may also set me up for a bit of ridicule from some of my fellow bloggers. Why? Well, first of all, the song I chose for Helen’s theme, which is “glass,” has no lyrics. WHAT? Second, the song is from Yanni. Yes, Yanni, the New Age music artist.

I was really into New Age music, sometimes referred to as “jazz fusion” or “smooth jazz,” from the mid 80s to maybe the early 2000s. And I will freely admit that Yanni was one of my favorite New Age artists.

Anyway, the song I selected is “Looking Glass.” It’s from Yanni’s second studio album, Keys to Imagination, which was released in 1986. Yanni’s music, which is predominantly instrumental, is a blend of jazz, classical, soft rock, and world music.

Since there are no lyrics to include in this post, I figure I’ll just go ahead and post the song “Looking Glass.” If you listen, close your eyes and let yourself be transported. You might even be surprised by how much you enjoy it.

FOWC with Fandango — Anchor

FOWCWelcome to September 16, 2018 and to Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (aka, FOWC). It’s designed to fill the void after WordPress bailed on its daily one-word prompt.

I will be posting each day’s word just after midnight Pacific Time (US).

Today’s word is “anchor.”

Write a post using that word. It can be prose, poetry, fiction, non-fiction. It can be any length. It can be just a picture or a drawing if you want. No holds barred, so to speak.

Once you are done, tag your post with #FOWC and create a pingback to this post if you are on WordPress. Or you can simply include a link to your post in the comments.

And be sure to read the posts of other bloggers who respond to this prompt. You will marvel at their creativity.