One-Month Anniversary Dinner

french-candadian-pork-pie-robbinsWe’d been going out for about a month and things were going great. She was smart, attractive, and once we finally got around to doing it, the sex was fantastic.

For our one-month anniversary she announced that she was taking me to the finest French restaurant in town. She told me that the chef at the place had been awarded the coveted Michelin three star designation for the past three years in a row.

She had planned the night down to the last detail. She ordered in advance the apéritifs and appetizers, the wine, and the main course, as well as the deserts and the digestifs.

Everything was going along swimmingly until it came time for the main course. The waiter came to our table and put down the entrées in front of us. I’ll admit they looked and smelled delicious. “Mmm,” I said to my girlfriend. “What do you call this dish?”

“It’s actually the specialty of the house,” she said. “It’s a French-Canadian tourtière.”

“A tourtière?” I said. “It looks like a pie.”

“It is. It’s a pork pie.”

“Oh,” I said.

“What’s the matter?” she asked, a look of concern on her face.

“Well, I thought you knew,” I responded. “I’m Jewish. I don’t eat pork.”


Written for Teresa’s Three Things Challenge, where the three things are pork pie, French, and chef.

Once In a Lifetime

Royal Straight FlushMy luck hadn’t been going so well lately. I’d lost big the last five times I sat in on our regular Thursday night poker games. And to be quite honest, I had no reason to believe my luck would be changing any time soon. I never had much of a poker face, but it was my intension tonight to at least feign optimism.

Things were going about as expected for the first hour into the game. I was already down about fifty bucks and I didn’t see much that would alter my losing streak. I was seriously starting to question why I even bothered to come to these weekly card games.

I was sitting alongside the dealer, who called a game of five-card draw. The first three cards I was dealt were garbage. The deuce of clubs, the four of hearts, and the ten of diamonds. But the next two cards were the ace and king of spades. I tried to be as nonchalant as I could when I kept the two high spades and turned in three cards. The dealer threw down three new cards and I picked them up one at a time. First the ten of spades. Then the queen of spades. And finally, the jack of spades.

Fuck me! I just drew a royal straight flush. Do you know what the odds of drawing a royal straight flush are? It’s like 650,000 to one. I had to be careful not to let the exhilarating feeling inside of me be seen by the other players. Another round of betting was taking place and I was trying to will away the beads of sweat that dotted my forehead. I needed to bet carefully so as not to give away the hand I possessed to the other players or to cause them to panic and drop out of the hand.

If I do say so myself, I played it masterfully. I managed to keep my cool. And when it came time to reveal our hands, I laid down my ace-high straight flush. The other five players let out a collective gasp and one, the dealer of the hand sitting to my right, actually flipped me the bird.

Once my heart stopped beating rapidly and my blood pressure returned to normal, I announced that I was quitting for the night, having just taken in the biggest pot of my life. I figured it was best to quit while I was ahead.

But my poker pals prevailed on me to stay and play and to give them a chance to win some of their money back. I figured, why not? I was definitely on a roll.

A few hours later I left the table, having lost all that I had won…and then some…in that amazing, once in a lifetime hand.

Oh well. It was still worth it.


Written for the following prompts: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (royal), Word of the Day Challenge (exhilaration), Ragtag Daily prompt (bird), Your Daily Word Prompt (alongside), Daily Addictions (possess), Scotts Daily Prompt (feign)

Cellular: A New Technology

DE89AFD5-5EAB-4D1B-9A7F-39E70114A02BStep into the Wayback Machine and set the dial for 1984.

“Sometime early next year, a new technology known as cellular will be available in the area.”

That quote came from a November 26, 1984, San Francisco Chronicle story titled “Cellular Phones Ready for Bay Area Debut.”

Back then, cellular technology was nascent and available to only the wealthy. That was partly because of the price. Cellular phones in late 1984 cost between $1,900 and $4,100 to install in a car, with a $39 per month base price, plus up to 50¢ per minute between seven in the morning and seven in the evening and 20¢ per minute the rest of the time.

Most early cellular phones were car phones.6ECEBA9C-347B-4420-9FCA-0D7E5706CEB7I remember when we got our first cellphone. It was a Motorola like the one pictured above. We mostly kept it in the car for “emergencies,” which typically consisted of me calling my wife on my drive home from work to tell her how cool it was for me to be calling her from my car.

The Chronicle reported, “Some units, weighing about seven pounds each, can be removed from the vehicles and carried in briefcases.” By the end of 1985, the article pointed out, Motorola had created a 3-pound phone. Is it any wonder that early, large, thick, and rectangular cellphones were often referred to as “bricks”?E03CCB48-AC16-4923-95A9-E980C769F257Cellphones today are tiny, handheld computers and super communications devices that are virtually ubiquitous. It’s hard to remember that just 34 years ago cellphones were heavy, expensive, and rare. Today, most people can’t imagine not having their smartphones with them at all times.

Think about that, millennials. And try to image how we will be communicating and interacting with each other 34 years from now. Assuming that the human race is still around in 34 years.

 

SoCS — Too Much Amore

AC38F89B-F6EC-497A-80EC-52F55156A05ALinda G. Hill’s charge for this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt is to “talk about your latest earworm, or one that habitually haunts you.”

So what is an earworm, anyway? Quite simply, an earworm is a song or a melody that gets stuck in your head and just won’t get out. For better or for worse, there’s no tried and true way to get songs out of your head once they’re stuck in there. They can stick in your brain for days.

The good news is that earworms aren’t fatal. But they can be annoying and if they last long enough, they can come close to driving you batty.

As it turns out, yesterday I wrote this post in response to Rochelle-Wisoff Fields’ Friday Fictioneers prompt. In my post I included two lines from the Dean Martin song, “That’s Amore.” Those two lines: When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When the world seems to shine like you’ve had too much wine, that’s amore.

I even attached this clip containing that song from the 1953 Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis movie, “The Caddy.”

All day long today, that song, and in particular, those two lines, keeps playing over and over again in my brain and I just can’t kick it.

I even put my iTunes on shuffle and listened to probably a dozen or two different songs. But as soon as I removed my earbuds, the damn “That’s Amore” earworm returned.

I’m just hoping that after reading all of your posts in response to Linda’s earworm prompt, one of your earworm tunes will replace mine, at least for a day or two.

FOWC with Fandango — Royal

FOWCWelcome to September 8, 2018 and to Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (aka, FOWC). It’s designed to fill the void after WordPress bailed on its daily one-word prompt.

Today marks the 100th FOWC with Fandango One Word Challenge.98A18564-9493-46AD-A75E-B8F55DEB802DThat’s pretty exciting, right? Well, it is for me, anyway.

Okay, enough celebrating. Time to get down to business.

I will be posting each day’s word just after midnight Pacific Time (US).

Today’s [100th] word is “royal.”

Write a post using that word. It can be prose, poetry, fiction, non-fiction. It can be any length. It can be just a picture or a drawing if you want. No holds barred, so to speak.

Once you are done, tag your post with #FOWC and create a pingback to this post if you are on WordPress. Or you can simply include a link to your post in the comments.

And be sure to read the posts of other bloggers who respond to this prompt. You will marvel at their creativity.