Hal and his wife, Marlene, were sitting in their living room watching a rerun of “The X Files” when they heard a commotion on their front porch. “Did you hear that?” Marlene asked her husband.
“Yeah,” he said. “Probably a raccoon. He’ll go away when he doesn’t find any food out there.”
But the noise coming from the porch didn’t stop, so Marlene said, “Hal, get your lazy ass out there and see what is going on.”
Reluctantly, Hal slowly got up and out of his easy chair, went to the front door, turned on the porch light, and flung open the door. At first he didn’t see anything, but then he looked down and saw a creature the likes of which he had never seen before. Startled, he jumped back a step or two. The strange-looking, three-foot tall “thing” stepped into the living room. When Marlene saw it, she let out a blood curdling scream.
The creature waddled toward Marlene and she jumped up on the sofa as she might have if she’d been frightened by a mouse. Meanwhile, Hal went into the front hall closet and pulled out his shotgun.
“Do not fear me,” the creature said in a somewhat metallic voice. “I am sorry I scared you; I intend you no harm.”
“I’ve got you in my sights, you freakin’ monster,” Hal said. “One false move and I’ll blow you to Kingdom Come.”
“I do not know what that is,” the critter said. “But there is no need for violence.”
Almost hysterically, Marlene screamed, “What do you want?”
“My name is Rorschach and I am not from this planet,” the creature said. “My mission is to explore the solar system for signs of intelligent life.”
“So what were you doing on our porch, you alien?” Hal asked, shotgun still pointed at the creature. “Ain’t no intelligent life in these parts.” With that, Hal started to pull the trigger, but before he could, both the shotgun and Hal disintegrated into a pile of red embers.
Looking at the ashes where Hal had been standing, Rorschach said, “Yes, I can see that.” It then turned to Marlene and said, “Is this any way to treat visitors from out-of-town?”
At which point Marlene fainted dead away.
Written for today’s Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Sunday Writing Prompt. And for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge, “treat.”
This, That, and the Other 
It’s important to feint when the aliens arrive.
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Well, in her defense, her husband was just vaporized.
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Oh, duh. She *fainted* Oops 😬
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Not very hospitable, probably Republicans.
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Sounds like this little guy had already visited the White House (and obviously found no intelligent life)
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Too bad he didn’t vaporize the occupant of the Oval Office.
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So Hal’s saying their is no intelligent life in America?
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I think he was being a little more localized…like his house, maybe?
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LOL…I love the admission of intelligent life not existing in ‘these parts’….nicely stated…
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Hah Hah Hah !!!
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Oddly enough, not all firearms owners are dumb hicks.
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Sadly enough, there are guns where I live (in this house). It was still funny.
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I don’t know if I’ve told this story online. Many moons ago, my husband had a gun he brilliantly kept under the mattress where he slept. One night, he had gone to sleep early. One of my children (a toddler) was playing a computer game called “Chitty-chitty-bang-bang.” I didn’t know soon enough that the main thing this program did was have a cartoon character say to call nine-one-one (for fun). So, guess what happened? Yes, the police came — really worked up. My husband slept through everything the police were saying, their radio sounds, all of it. Then they went into the bedroom and “psychically” pulled the gun out from right under him. He was still asleep. (No, he had not been drinking or working hard or anything that explains this.) They had to forcefully wake him so they could ascertain whether he was cantankerous (or rather that everyone was okay). Now, if that had not been the police, and someone had broken in…
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Also, we have an old friend — no dummy — who came to visit from Texas a few years ago. For no actual reason, while we were walking out of a store and through the parking lot at a nearby nice place, he asked me what I would do if someone walked toward me on the parking lot. Apparently, the right answer was to shoot them. What I said, since I could tell he was implying a person in a parking lot is scary, was that I’d hope everything would be okay. So next I needed a lesson on why I should carry a gun and tell a person to “Stop!” Then shoot if they don’t obey.
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A person with a gun seems to be able to do more than that. Such a person himself might decide it’s in his “rights” to go toward and directly up to someone in a parking lot and intimidate them. If the other person (or her husband) doesn’t have a gun, that other person (or husband) doesn’t have rights or deserve to live. That’s nutty, but how some local laws are now.
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If the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
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It’s a whole different mindset.
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I am aware of that. I was not intending to make a political or societal statement. I saw a short alien in the Rorschach blot and created a couple out in the country who were devotees of “The X Files” having a real close encounter.
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That’s how I took it at first.
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The deamoned ‘littlefly’ enchancing this lady’s from Insidious unfeeted stockings, tits and cutted arms…… I should not be doing myself the Rorshach’s tests…. for sure not publicly(!) (:D
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My future recruiters f.e. in some McDonald might see them – nothing in the Internnet dies! : I
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