Hal and his wife, Marlene, were sitting in their living room watching a rerun of “The X Files” when they heard a commotion on their front porch. “Did you hear that?” Marlene asked her husband.
“Yeah,” he said. “Probably a raccoon. He’ll go away when he doesn’t find any food out there.”
But the noise coming from the porch didn’t stop, so Marlene said, “Hal, get your lazy ass out there and see what is going on.”
Reluctantly, Hal slowly got up and out of his easy chair, went to the front door, turned on the porch light, and flung open the door. At first he didn’t see anything, but then he looked down and saw a creature the likes of which he had never seen before. Startled, he jumped back a step or two. The strange-looking, three-foot tall “thing” stepped into the living room. When Marlene saw it, she let out a blood curdling scream.
The creature waddled toward Marlene and she jumped up on the sofa as she might have if she’d been frightened by a mouse. Meanwhile, Hal went into the front hall closet and pulled out his shotgun.
“Do not fear me,” the creature said in a somewhat metallic voice. “I am sorry I scared you; I intend you no harm.”
“I’ve got you in my sights, you freakin’ monster,” Hal said. “One false move and I’ll blow you to Kingdom Come.”
“I do not know what that is,” the critter said. “But there is no need for violence.”
Almost hysterically, Marlene screamed, “What do you want?”
“My name is Rorschach and I am not from this planet,” the creature said. “My mission is to explore the solar system for signs of intelligent life.”
“So what were you doing on our porch, you alien?” Hal asked, shotgun still pointed at the creature. “Ain’t no intelligent life in these parts.” With that, Hal started to pull the trigger, but before he could, both the shotgun and Hal disintegrated into a pile of red embers.
Looking at the ashes where Hal had been standing, Rorschach said, “Yes, I can see that.” It then turned to Marlene and said, “Is this any way to treat visitors from out-of-town?”
At which point Marlene fainted dead away.