Day: July 24, 2018

Yippee Ki-Yay, Motherf*cker

Fandango19 Comments

3c63d711-15d3-4af4-9132-1d7bdce7a06c.pngA federal appeals court in San Francisco, of all venues, ruled today that Americans have a constitutional right to carry guns openly outside the home.

According to the three-judge panel of the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, the Second Amendment right to “keep and bear arms” applies not only to possessing handguns at home for self-defense — as declared by the Supreme Court in 2008 — but also to carrying guns openly in public. The ruling applies to nine Western states, including California.

Judge Diarmuid O’Scannlain, a Republican judge who was appointed to the court by Ronald Reagan, said that while the right to keep arms protects the “core purpose” of the Second Amendment within the home, the separate right to bear arms protects that core purpose outside the home.

“If this ruling stands,” says Adam Winkler, a UCLA law professor who has written extensively on firearms laws, “states like Hawaii and California will have to allow far more guns on the streets than they do today.”

I’m really having a hard time believing that this is actually happening. But I can only hope that Trump was right today when he said, “What you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening.”

I finally know what Donald Trump meant by wanting to make America great again. Let’s return to the wild, wild west and the gold rush days, where men were men and real ‘Mercians were free to shoot anything that moved.

Yee haw, yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!

Setting the Stage — Part Two

Fandango17 Comments

6EA18860-89EC-42DF-8532-40522141DC22Ivanka Trump, Donald Trump’s eldest daughter, is shutting down her namesake fashion brand so that she can spend more time in her role as top White House advisor.

“After 17 months in Washington,” Ivanka said, “I do not know when or if I will ever return to the business, but I do know that my focus for the foreseeable future will be the work I am doing here in Washington.”

So do you think that Ivanka and her dad are positioning her as a future candidate to be America’s first female president and the next cog in what they hope will be the Trump dynasty? After all, would anyone even consider the doofus Trump brothers, Don Junior and Eric, to be viable candidates for POTUS?

Unfortunately, Ivanka is her father’s daughter and a chip off the old blockhead. But she’s the darling of Fox News and of Trump’s supporters. It probably helps that she’s relatively pretty, blonde, and has big boobs. No wonder Trump once said that if she wasn’t his daughter he would date her. She’s just his type.

There is only one presidential offspring who might be even remotely qualified to contend to be the first female president, and that is Chelsea Clinton.

Setting the Stage

Fandango10 Comments

Today Donald Trump tweeted his first salvo as he tries to come up with excuses should there be a blue wave election in November: it’s not him, it’s the Russians. DEB4CFA5-84CD-4245-ADE7-C0B03B93017DIf the Democrats win big in the midterms, Trump will claim that they cheated with Russian help. You know, the same Russians who interfered on Trump’s behalf so he’d win in 2016. But why would Trump think that the Russians will help the Democrats in 2018 if he hadn’t colluded with the Russians to cheat for him in the last election?

And yet his avid supporters are just stupid enough to buy Trump’s bullshit and lies. And you know that all of Fox News will be all over this conspiracy theory.

When will this nightmare end?

#FOWC — Spelling Bee

Fandango15 Comments

152F70D2-8A90-4AF6-BCEC-A75F68AC1DE2I don’t recall exactly how old I was at the time, but I remember when someone told me that the longest word in the English language was “antidisestablishmentarianism.” I was intrigued by that word and decided that my mission in life would be to memorize its spelling and proceed to dazzle people with my ability to, off-the-cuff, spell that word for anyone who would listen.

I wrote down all 28 letters of the word and set about committing it to memory. It didn’t take that long and once memorized, I proceeded to walk around demonstrating that I could spell the longest word in the English language. Woo hoo!

But then my father asked me if I knew what the word meant. I had no idea. “Don’t you think it would be wise for you to not only know how to spell the word, but to know what it means?” he asked.

Yeah, okay, that makes sense. Of course, back then Google didn’t exist, so I went to my school library, walked up to this huge, honkin’ unabridged dictionary that was mounted on top of an ornate wooden pedestal, and opened it up to the page that contained the word “antidisestablishmentarianism.”

I learned that it referred to a political position during the Reformation in the 16th century. King Henry VIII wanted to divorce his wife, so he split from Roman Catholicism. Those against him were “anti” the “disestablishment” of the church and thus, didn’t approve of the budding Anglican Church, later known as the Church of England. Not very relevant to a young, American boy, but that was no reason not to be proud of my ability to spell the longest word in the English language.

Except it’s not the longest word in the English language. The real longest word is “pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis,” which refers to a lung disease contracted from the inhalation of very fine silica particles, such as those from a volcano.

But antidisestablishmentarianism remains the longest non-technical, non-coined word in English.

And yes, I know. One of you wise-asses is bound to comment, “Fandango, the actual longest word in the English language is ‘smiles.’ There’s a mile between the esses.”

Written for today’s Fandango’s One-Word Challenge, “wise,” and for today’s Word of the Day Challenge, the prefix “anti.”