I drink 2% milk. My wife drinks flax milk, her brother drinks soy milk, my daughter drinks almond milk, and even my son drinks coconut milk occasionally. Different strokes for different folks, right?
Well, that’s not what America’s dairy farmers think. The National Milk Producers Federation, which represents the dairy farmers, objects to calling anything but milk that comes from a cow “milk.” The dairy farmers apparently believe that these other so-called “milk” products are confusing consumers. What? You mean almond milk doesn’t come from cows? Who knew?
As silly as this is, a group of 32 members of Congress, many of them from big milk-producing states, have sent a letter to the Food and Drug Administration calling on the FDA to order manufacturers of plant-based drinks to find some other name besides “milk.”
The letter points out that the FDA already has a legal definition of milk as something that comes from a mammary gland. These congressmen are simply asking the FDA basically to enforce its own regulation.
So I’ve come up with a plan to rename those “milks” that don’t come from a cow’s mammary gland.
From this day forward, let it be known that:
- Coconut Milk shall be called Coconut Juice
- Soy Milk shall be called Soy Squeeze
- Flax Milk shall be called Flax Fluid
- Almond Milk shall be called Almond Jizz
I think my suggested alternative names for these non-mammary liquids will effectively address any confusion we consumers are apparently having.