It’s Going To Be a Bumpy Ride

FBAB2DFD-19E0-4EFA-B5C8-DB797B622840First Donald Trump said, “North Korea best not make any more threats to the United States. They will be met with fire and the fury like the world has never seen.”

And then Trump met Kim Jong Un in Singapore and kissed his ass.

Trump boasted that, “Nobody’s been tougher on Russia than I have.” And then Trump met with Vladimir Putin in Helsinki and kissed his ass.

Now tonight Trump tweeted B8921F9B-4B32-4ACD-9610-E613232882D2So what’s next? Is Trump going to meet somewhere with Hassan Rouhani and kiss his ass, too?

As one of my fellow bloggers, James Pyles, said in one of his comments to me in this post of his, “Hold on because it’s going to be a bumpy ride.”

Udder Nonsense

I drink 2% milk. My wife drinks flax milk, her brother drinks soy milk, my daughter drinks almond milk, and even my son drinks coconut milk occasionally. Different strokes for different folks, right?

Well, that’s not what America’s dairy farmers think. The National Milk Producers Federation, which represents the dairy farmers, objects to calling anything but milk that comes from a cow “milk.” The dairy farmers apparently believe that these other so-called “milk” products are confusing consumers. What? You mean almond milk doesn’t come from cows? Who knew?

As silly as this is, a group of 32 members of Congress, many of them from big milk-producing states, have sent a letter to the Food and Drug Administration calling on the FDA to order manufacturers of plant-based drinks to find some other name besides “milk.”

The letter points out that the FDA already has a legal definition of milk as something that comes from a mammary gland. These congressmen are simply asking the FDA basically to enforce its own regulation.

So I’ve come up with a plan to rename those “milks” that don’t come from a cow’s mammary gland.

From this day forward, let it be known that:

  • Coconut Milk shall be called Coconut Juice
  • Soy Milk shall be called Soy Squeeze
  • Flax Milk shall be called Flax Fluid
  • Almond Milk shall be called Almond Jizz

I think my suggested alternative names for these non-mammary liquids will effectively address any confusion we consumers are apparently having.

Don’t you?

#FOWC — An Organized Mind

B520E40C-B666-4680-A24D-F56F1565747B.jpegI’ve always prided myself on having an organized mind. I have the ability to comparmentalize things in my head, and that enables me to save time and to get things accomplished in an otherwise chaotic world.

I use a method of classification to separate those things that are essential from those that are nice-to-haves and from those that are frivolous.

That’s not to say that I don’t do any frivolous things or that I avoid the nice-to-haves to focus exclusively on the essentials. I just make sure to get the essential stuff out of the way so I can enjoy those more frivolous things life has to offer.

Okay, Fandango, let’s get real. Yes, I compartmentalize things, but the truth is, while I ultimately get around to the essentials, doing the frivolous things is so much more fun.

Perhaps that’s why the “honey do” list my wife manages never seems to get any smaller.

Written for today’s Ragtag Daily Prompt, “time,” for the Your Daily Word prompt, “classification,” and for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge, “essential.”

Sunday Photo Fiction — The Ride

1018EC18-D1C2-4D77-99F7-6F73B2DDE388Lauren was doing her best to keep up with her boyfriend, Alex, but she was exhausted. They’d been riding for around six hours, stopping only for a quick lunch and several short coconut water breaks to replenish their electrolytes. But she was not used to rides of this duration and distance.

Lauren hated bicycling, but Alex was an avid cyclist, and she felt she needed to pretend that she, too, was into it, lest she lose him. She’d invested too much time and effort in him to let that happen.

Even the flat street they were riding on seemed daunting to her. She could feel both thighs seizing up and she knew that she couldn’t go on. In desperation she called out to Alex.

Alex looked back and saw that Lauren was struggling. He swung his bike around and rode back by her side.

“I can’t go any further,” Lauren said to him. “I feel like I’m going to faint.”

“I got you,” Alex said, and as she started to fall, he grabbed her and pulled her off her bike, cradled her in his arms, and held her tight as she cried.

But she was smiling on the inside.

(200 words)

Written for Susan Spaulding’s Sunday Photo Fiction prompt. Photo credit: C.E. Ayr.

Song Lyric Sunday — Careless Talk

I actually had trouble coming up with a song for today’s Song Lyric Sunday prompt from Helen Vahdati. The theme she chose was “speak.” Sounds simple enough, right? But I just couldn’t come up with something until I thought to myself, “what do people do when they speak?” And then it came to me. They talk. Duh!

One of Billy Joel’s best albums, in my opinion, is his 1983 album, An Innocent Man. And one of the tracks on that album is “Careless Talk.”

Many of the songs on Joel’s An Innocent Man album were released as singles, and “Careless Talk” was on the B-side of “Uptown Girl.” It’s not very widely known except to serious Billy Joel fans like me.

“Careless Talk” was sung in the smooth baritone style of the late Sam Cooke and it was all about gossip, most likely inspired by the many tabloid articles at the time that appeared about Billy and Christie Brinkley.

Here are the lyrics to “Careless Talk.”

Careless talk
That’s what you heard about me
Jealous talk
That’s what I heard about you
Everybody’s telling lies
I don’t even know why
Why can’t people
Find something better to do

Careless talk
I don’t believe what they say
I heard them talk
They say you’ve been putting me down

In the shadows on the phone
They won’t leave us alone
They’ve been talking
Ever since you came around

Careless talk
Telling you I’m doing wrong
Jealous talk
Follows wherever you go

I’m aware of what you heard
Every terrible word
Everybody’s making believe that they know
All of the intimate things
That we might have said

In the heat of a passionate moment
In a conversation shared
For the ears of nobody else
There are some things they will never hear
There are secrets I’ll never tell
Careless talk
Going around on the street
Jealous talk
I know how bad it can be

Let them stand where they fall
They don’t know us at all
All that talking won’t make a difference to me