Manspreading

01E3CA40-7B10-43D5-8E30-835DC960ABE1I was sitting on the city bus on my way to the office when something strange happened. I had a doctor’s appointment first thing in the morning, and by the time I caught the bus, rush hour was over, so the bus wasn’t very crowded. I had my pick of seats and had taken one along the side of the bus where the seats face inward toward the opposite side, rather than those that faced forward.

I was reading the news feed on my iPhone when we got to the next stop and I looked up to see that young woman, probably in her early twenties, had taken a seat directly across from me. I noticed two things about her. She was quite attractive and she was wearing a very short skirt.

I looked down at my iPhone to continue with the news feed when I noticed that the young woman was seated in such a manner, with her legs spread apart, that gave me an unobstructed view of her crotch. And she wasn’t wearing panties!

I leaned forward a bit and moved both arms up to about shoulder height and width. “Excuse me miss,” I said to get her attention.

She looked at me and said, “What?” I took my hands and slowly moved them together, thinking she would immediately pick up my meaning. She just gave me a quizzical look, apparently not understanding my gesture.

Obviously, subtleties would not work with her, so I said, in a stage whisper, “You’re manspreading.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked. “I’m a woman.”

“Yes, you are most definitely a woman,” I said. “But your legs are spread wide enough that I can see your hoo-ha.”

“My what?”

“Oh Jeez,” I said. “Your crotch. You’re exposing your crotch.”

“Oh my god, you are such a perv,” she said, spreading her legs just a little wider apart. “I’m going to report you to the bus driver.”

“I’m getting off at this next stop,” I said, “so no need to report anything to anyone.”

I stood up and waited at the door until the bus arrived at the stop. As I was leaving, I looked back over my shoulder and saw her smiling at me. Then she winked and blew me a kiss.


This post was inspired by the continuing series from Linda G. Hill called “Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right.” Click here to read her latest installment.

11 thoughts on “Manspreading

  1. newepicauthor December 15, 2017 / 3:31 pm

    What did your wife say when you told her about the woman showing her crotch to you?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango December 15, 2017 / 9:37 pm

      There are certain experiences one simply does not share with one’s spouse.

      Liked by 1 person

      • newepicauthor December 16, 2017 / 4:07 am

        One day my wife and I were over my friend Bill’s house visiting him and his girlfriend Linda years ago back in the mid to late 80’s. Bill and my wife were having a conversation in one room and I was in the kitchen with Linda. Somehow our conversation got around to Madonna and I happened to mention that she shaves her pubes and Linda said that she does also. The shocking thing was that next Linda said, “Would you like to see?” and I responded, “Sure, why not?” where she unzipped her pants and dropped her undies. That was as far as it went, but after that I always thought that Bill and Linda might be swingers.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Fandango December 16, 2017 / 7:17 am

          Yeah, I think you’re right. Either that or Linda is an exhibitionist.

          Liked by 1 person

          • newepicauthor December 16, 2017 / 7:24 am

            I never mentioned this to my wife either, as some things are better left unsaid.

            Liked by 1 person

  2. BAEast December 15, 2017 / 4:38 pm

    ‘manspreading’ is asinine term a term as ‘mansplaining’. These two phenomena are not gender specific. they should be renamed ‘jerkspreading’ and ‘jerksplaining’. so there’s that.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Fandango December 15, 2017 / 4:48 pm

      Yes, I agree, these terms are unnecessarily gender-specific, as are a number of other colloquialisms. That said, I would probably have to write an entire separate post to explain what I meant by “jerkspreading” had I used that instead of “manspreading.”

      Liked by 1 person

  3. LindaGHill December 15, 2017 / 4:57 pm

    Heehee! Nice literary take on it. The possibilities of what you might see or overhear on a bus are almost endless. 😀
    Thanks for the shout-out. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Karyn April 24, 2018 / 8:52 am

    I can’t even comment.
    wait… “hoo-ha” (LOL)

    Like

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