Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a voyeur. It’s just that when I walk my dog at night, I can see through the windows of people’s homes and apartments into rooms lit up by interior lights. But there was only one particular window that got — and held — my attention.
I never met the girl in the window in real life. Just in my fantasies. And now she’s gone. Maybe she moved out. Maybe she got married or moved in with her boyfriend. Maybe something bad happened to her. Maybe she died. Now I’ll never know.
I always saw her when I was walking my dog for his last walk of the day, usually between 9:30 and 10:00. She was always sitting in front of her laptop, facing the window, a small lamp on her right. What was she doing? Now I’ll never know.
Maybe she was a student doing homework. Maybe she was no longer a student and was working on an assignment for her job. Maybe she was an aspiring author and was writing her novel. Maybe she was a blogger crafting a post. Or maybe she was watching porn on her computer. Now I’ll never know.
I counted on seeing her each night. I only ever saw her face and her hair, as the rest of her was hidden behind her open laptop. She had, as far as I could tell from the other side of the street, a pretty face. Her hair was reddish blonde, or that’s what it looked like in the glow of her laptop’s screen and the light from the lamp next to her. Now I’ll never know.
I am reasonably certain that she never noticed me and my dog. The sidewalk right across the street from her building was tree-lined and rather dark at night. Although there was that one time when she seemed to glance up from her laptop and appeared to look out the window and directly at me. But she didn’t respond when I waved at her. Did she see me? Now I’ll never know.
I had seen her almost every night for nearly a year. I became obsessed with her. She inhabited my dreams. She was the leading lady of my fantasies. I had to somehow find the courage to meet her. I was sure that if we ever met, she would feel about me as I felt about her. Now I’ll never know.
One day very soon I would call up to her from the street right below her window and introduce myself to her. Maybe she would invite me up to her apartment and offer me a drink. Maybe tea or coffee. Maybe a beer or a glass of wine. Maybe she’d offer me something to eat. Maybe we’d hold hands, embrace one another. Now I’ll never know.
They say he who hesitates is lost. I hesitated. And now she’s gone. Now I’ll never know.
Disclaimer. This post was not originally written for today’s one-word prompt. But when I saw that the word was “homage,” I thought this would be a good homage to those who hesitated, missed an opportunity, and now will never know.