Crappy Caper


Two thugs grab me off the street, pull a burlap sack over my head, and toss me into the back of a van. One of the ruffians is waiting in the driver’s seat, starts the engine, and speeds away while the two who grabbed me use ropes to secure my hands and feet in the back of the van.

I hear the driver ask his fellow kidnappers, “Where to now, guys?

The two men in the back of the van look at each other, which of course I can’t see because I have a burlap sack over my head, but which I imagine they would do when confronted with such a question.

One of them shouts to the driver, “Bruno, this whole caper was your idea. Don’t you have a plan or are you flying by the seat of your pants?”

“Dunno,” replies Bruno. “Hadn’t thought that far in advance. Ask the guy we grabbed what he thinks.”

“So, whaddya think?” one of the kidnappers in the back of the van asks me.

“Surprise me.”

“Hey Bruno, he says to surprise him.”

“No way,” Bruno calls back. “I’m going to drive around in circles until he tell us where to take him.”

“Take me home,” I yell back at the driver.

“Ha, ha, very funny,” Bruno replies. “Vinny, break one of his thumbs unless he tells you where we should take him.”

“Okay, Vinny, let’s not be hasty,” I say to whichever one of the kidnappers with me in the back of the van is Vinny. “This is an important decision. Give me a second to ponder it.”

“You got a minute to decide.”

I quickly toss around some options in my head. It can’t be in the city. They could drive the van around to the side of an abandoned building, pull me out of the van, and move me into the building without being noticed. Not a building.

Not a forest either. They could drive the van deep into the woods and no one would be around to see or hear me. So not a forest.

“Break his freakin’ thumb already,” I hear Bruno yell from the driver’s seat. “I’m using up all the gas.”

“Wait, wait!” I plead. “Give me just a few seconds more.”

An island is surrounded by water. You can’t drive a van right up to an island. They’d have to lift me out of the van and move me to a boat in order to get to the island. Surely someone would see a man with a burlap sack over his head, hands and feet bound, being carried by a couple of thugs from a van to a boat, and would call the police. Or maybe I’d be able to figure out a way to free myself and get away.

“Take me to an island,” I say.

“He says an island,” Vinny yells up to Bruno.

“What island?” Bruno yells back.

“What island?” Vinny asks me.

“Oh for crissake. What kind of incompetent, bumbling kidnappers are you three, anyway? This is your goddam crappy caper.”

“That’s right,” yelled Bruno from the front of the van, “but it’s your goddam crappy nightmare.”

My eyes flutter open and I stretch my arms out after waking up from my brief nap. “I just had the strangest dream,” I say aloud to no one in particular.

Today’s one-word prompt is “caper.”

20 thoughts on “Crappy Caper

  1. Sight11 July 10, 2017 / 7:41 am

    Hahahah.. Fandango.. I can’t believe it.. Your writings get funnier and funnier by the week.. Now go back to sleep..

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sandi July 10, 2017 / 8:08 am

    My husband can’t eat chocolate anywhere before bed time – he gets weird dreams and can’t sleep.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Sandi July 10, 2017 / 8:27 am

    BTW: I used to have this recurring nightmare. It has happened a few times throughout my life. I’m always whatever age and it’s simple but on a circle – never ends – I’m in my house…all rooms connect by one mini wall / pillar – so you can run round-n-round and you immediately in the next room. Two robber guys are chasing me – round and round this pillar. Neither figures out to grab me the other direction. That’s it. Nothing else. All night long. When I wake, my leg muscles hurt, my quads – because I tensed them while sleeping!

    Now, that was a bizarre dream to have once, but like about 5 times in my 9-12 year old age…and then once or twice as a young adult. I’m sure it means something, some trauma from my very early childhood…but at least yours was creative. Mine was just round-n-round we go.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sight11 July 10, 2017 / 9:07 am

      Mine was much more scarier but also occurred more than I could count.. I thought it was a signal but it was chilling.. Your comment reminded me of my own..

      Liked by 1 person

        • Sight11 July 10, 2017 / 9:32 am

          You are blessed with satire Momus, if the guys kidnapping you were stupid.. Hahahah..

          Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango July 10, 2017 / 9:29 am

      That is a bizarre dream. I’ve had three recurring dreams over the years, none of which is scary. But I think, rather than recounting them here, I might just write post about them. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

      Liked by 1 person

        • Sandi July 10, 2017 / 11:13 am

          Okay, come do my music thingy – I released the new challenge (for whatever reason, it posted below my daily wordpress post)

          Liked by 1 person

          • Fandango July 10, 2017 / 11:20 am

            I didn’t see it. I’ll have to go look for it.


            • Sandi July 10, 2017 / 11:27 am

              Yes, oddly, I had it “saved” last night to send out at 6 – but it didn’t. I guess that was 6 at night? So I released it (after I did the daily word post) but it still posted before the suds in my brain daily post! ugh!

              Liked by 1 person

            • Fandango July 10, 2017 / 12:10 pm

              No worries. Hopefully I’ll get to it before the end of the day.

              Liked by 1 person

            • Sandi July 10, 2017 / 12:13 pm

              You gotta a whole week! Until next Monday!


  4. newepicauthor July 10, 2017 / 8:46 am

    I hate those nefarious types of people who creep around in back alleys and hide behind shrubs, and then when you least expect it they slither up behind you on the street and try to put you into their van and hold you for ransom.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Fandango July 10, 2017 / 9:06 am

      Yeah, those are the worst kinds of creepy, nefarious types, aren’t they? 😱


  5. Vivian Zems July 10, 2017 / 10:35 am

    Funny dream! What on earth did you eat before the nap? Have you paid your tax? Are you owing anybody money??😂😂


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